3 months of feeling great, looking for a job and generally thinking my life was back together and this poop happens again. I was cycling regulary, lost all the weight I'd gained and was on low medication. I was nearing the end of my work with a psychiatric nurse, who had helped me put things in place to maybe counter such re-occurances but when the crap hit the fan again my head doesn't care, it just wants to hurt my thoughts again.
I'm finding it hard to go outside, I don't want to get out of bed just want to sit there and bury my head in eve/wow so I don't think too much. If I think too much I get this horrible feeling in my guts and it makes me want to do things to myself, which obviously I won't permit, but it hurts so much sometimes.
The cat keeps my mind in check, that little bit of grounding in reality is usually enough to drag me through these periods, which can last weeks or sometimes months, jumping from thought to thought with no end in sight. I'm hoping it will go soon, maybe my head will stop being so damn stupid and put itself back to normality, although after last time I suspect I'm in for one hell of a ride...sadly not on a bike.